Why I am not a Christian

One of the great excitements of growing up in a Baptist church was the occasional visits from missionaries.  We thought they were super-Christians, and they thought so too.  I remember this one lady, who is pretty typical of the whole group, telling us about the fantastic sacrifices that she and her family made for Christ, and how they didn't care about these sacrifices at all, and what a bunch of materialistic jerks all non-missionary American Christians were.  Christianity to me is a constant attempt to get to the next level.  If you aren't getting closer to God, more like Christ, making progress on your "faith journey" you aren't really a Christian.

I am not really a Christian.  That is not exaggeration, not my natural melancholy, not humility(real or false), it is the very Word of God.

If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.  1 John 1:6

Do I walk in darkness?  I am unforgiving, addicted to pornography, prone to thoughts of suicide, a huge jackass, not a very good husband.  I have wasted the amazing gifts that God has given me.  At least I am not claiming to have anything in common with(which is the meaning of koinonia translated here as have fellowship) God.  Christianity has come up with all of these caveats, these conditions, that blunt the force of John's attack on our religion.  "Well everybody fails sometimes, but it is the pattern of your life.  What characterizes the way you live?"  Stuff like that.  If I have learned anything about Scripture it is that it is not interested in gradual, progressive patterns of behavior.  It is a book of Black and White, Yes and No, Life and Death.  And I just don't think that we can read our own perfectionist bull into John's letter.  Of course, even if it is about a "pattern of life" or whatever, I fail at that just as absolutely.  I can't refute the voice I hear accusing me when I read these words, but John can...

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. 1 John 4:15

Whoever abides in Him does not sin. Whoever sins has neither seen Him nor known Him.1 John 3:6

Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God. 1 John 3:9

John's grace is as unconditional as his law.  If I sin at all I am a sinner.  If I confess Christ at all I am not a sinner.  It is just a question of which trumps which.  Do we prefer the condemning voice within us, energized by our senses, experience, and worldview?  Or do we prefer the gracious Word of God who did not come to condemn but to save?(Whichever we prefer the truth remains the same.  Mercy triumphs over judgment.)

He who says, “I know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. 1 John 2:4

Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother. 1 John 3:10

 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also. 1 John 4:20-21

 I don't keep any of His commandments.  I don't try to.  I don't want to.  If I wanted to keep them I would.  I don't love anybody.  I can neglect and ignore pretty much anybody without it upsetting me even slightly.  But, what if how well or poorly I do these things isn't so simple?  Although I have not done any of these things by my actions, my Substitute, my Advocate has done them all in my name.  To insist on adding my works to Christ's is nothing other than requiring one who has been clothed in Christ's royal robe to wear a fig leaf on top of it.  "Sure you are covered by Christ's righteousness but you are really still naked unless you have your own clothes."  If I am wearing clothes I am not naked.  Again, Black and White issue.  To say anything else is to deny the reality of the atonement, which is the very center of denying Christ.

Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him. 1 John 5:1
Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?1 John 5:5

To believe in Christ doesn't simply mean to believe that there is some guy named Jesus, and it doesn't mean "having a personal relationship"(whatever the hell that means anyway).  It means believing His Gospel, believing that you will be judged by His righteousness not your own sin.  I have failed every test and will continue to do so.  But He didn't pass them for Himself.  He passed them for me.  He wrote my name at the top of His test.  He calls me by His own name.

The idea of us having a righteousness of action to add to the righteousness He credits us with by grace is simply the idea of going beyond faith, the old idea of Gnosticism, against whom John was probably writing.  It is really as simple as do we believe our hearts, our inner light, our inherent goodness, which can only condemn us; or do we believe God who forgives us?

And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 1 John 3:20