Death pt. 1

I was about ten when my friend Daniel killed himself.  I had known him probably four years.  We went to school together, church together.  We weren't super close but his death has always stuck with me.  I knew he had a very troubled family life and one day he just couldn't take it anymore and hung himself.  Death is kind of the defining action of my generation.  We are the generation of suicides and school shootings.  Most of us feel out of place in this world and frequently choose to leave it...violently.

I don't remember when I started thinking about hurting myself.  But since sometime in my teen years, in times of stress or depression or loneliness I can't stop thinking about hurting or killing myself.  In those times, I feel like it is wrong for my body to be fine when my soul is in such pain.  And there is a certain amount of wanting someone else to understand how much I am hurting.

Christianity unflinchingly condemns all suicides.  The rejection of the Donatists and the publication of Augustine's City of God, and almost all subsequent Christian teaching indicates that suicides cannot be saved, they are beyond the grace of God.  The sin of suicide cannot be forgiven since it cannot be confessed and repented.  As a sin of this, suicides are denied Christian burial, all the comforts of religion.  I do not intend to disagree with this teaching.  But I would like to consider some curiosities about God's rejection.

Ephraim is oppressed and broken in judgment,

Because he willingly walked by human precept.

Therefore I will be to Ephraim like a moth,

And to the house of Judah like rottenness. Hosea 5

Hosea prophesies quite a bit about the rejection of the Northern Kingdom, known by the name of its chief tribe, Ephraim. 

When I would have healed Israel,

Then the iniquity of Ephraim was uncovered,

And the wickedness of Samaria.

For they have committed fraud;

A thief comes in;

A band of robbers takes spoil outside.

They do not consider in their hearts

That I remember all their wickedness;

Now their own deeds have surrounded them;

They are before My face.

They make a king glad with their wickedness,

And princes with their lies. Hosea 7

He doesn't spare them at all but accuses them of every kind of sin that there is. 

They shall not dwell in the Lord’s land,

But Ephraim shall return to Egypt,

And shall eat unclean things in Assyria.

They shall not offer wine offerings to the Lord,

Nor shall their sacrifices be pleasing to Him.

It shall be like bread of mourners to them;

All who eat it shall be defiled.

For their bread shall be for their own life;

It shall not come into the house of the Lord

They will be cast out not only of the Lord's favor but will have all of the comforts of religion taken from them.

 They became an abomination like the thing they loved.

As for Ephraim, their glory shall fly away like a bird—

No birth, no pregnancy, and no conception!

Though they bring up their children,

Yet I will bereave them to the last man.

Yes, woe to them when I depart from them!

Just as I saw Ephraim like Tyre, planted in a pleasant place,

So Ephraim will bring out his children to the murderer.”

Give them, O Lord—

What will You give?

Give them a miscarrying womb

And dry breasts!

“All their wickedness is in Gilgal,

For there I hated them.

Because of the evil of their deeds

I will drive them from My house;

I will love them no more.

All their princes are rebellious.

Ephraim is stricken,

Their root is dried up;

They shall bear no fruit.

Yes, were they to bear children,

I would kill the darlings of their womb.”

My God will cast them away,

Because they did not obey Him;

And they shall be wanderers among the nations. Hosea 9 

 In fact, even all human comfort is denied them.  The Lord despises them so much that he will hunt their children down, even in the womb.  God expressly declares that He hates them and will make them fugitives and wanderers in the earth, like Cain.

I taught Ephraim to walk,Taking them by their arms;
But they did not know that I healed them.
I drew them with gentle cords,
With bands of love,
And I was to them as those who take the yoke from their neck.
I stooped and fed them.

How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I make you like Admah?
How can I set you like Zeboiim?
My heart churns within Me;
My sympathy is stirred.
I will not execute the fierceness of My anger;
I will not again destroy Ephraim.
For I am God, and not man,
The Holy One in your midst; And I will not come with terror Hosea 11

And yet, there is more to this story.  God has rejected them, but He can't forget that He made them at first.  He can't forget that He was the one who raised them, protected them, provided for them.    Even more than that, the last two lines quoted make it clear that there is something about destroying His own creations that is contrary to the divine nature.  It is His nature to be our comfort and hope in trouble.  To be our nightmare and our enemy is something that He refuses in the strongest terms to do.

The iniquity of Ephraim is bound up;
His sin is stored up.
The sorrows of a woman in childbirth shall come upon him.
He is an unwise son,
For he should not stay long where children are born.
“I will ransom them from the power of the grave;
I will redeem them from death.
O Death, I will be your plagues!
O Grave, I will be your destruction!
Pity is hidden from My eyes Hosea 13 

 “I will heal their backsliding, 

I will love them freely, 

For My anger has turned away from him. 

I will be like the dew to Israel; 

He shall grow like the lily, 

And lengthen his roots like Lebanon. 

His branches shall spread; 

His beauty shall be like an olive tree, 

And his fragrance like Lebanon. 

Those who dwell under his shadow shall return; 

They shall be revived like grain, 

And grow like a vine. 

Their scent shall be like the wine of Lebanon.

“Ephraim shall say, ‘What have I to do anymore with idols?’

I have heard and observed him.

I am like a green cypress tree;

Your fruit is found in Me.” Hosea 14

He has declared in no uncertain terms that He will punish their wickedness, but now He declares that He will redeem them from the very judgment He has inflicted.  Rather than being the enemy of them and their children as He promised, He will be the enemy of Death and Hell.  Ephraim does confess and he does repent, after the Lord has redeemed him, after Death has seen the pitiless eyes of Christ.  Why will God heal them and love them freely?  Not because they have done anything right, even the smallest thing, but because His "anger has turned away from him".  We can only ask, where then has His anger turned to?

But He was wounded for our transgressions,

He was bruised for our iniquities;

The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,

And by His stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;

We have turned, every one, to his own way;

And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53 

All of that judgment has landed squarely on Christ, there is no condemnation, no rejection left for anyone else.  God has rejected us, only so that rather than be a creditor coming to Him for payment, He can accept us freely as helpless, worthless objects of His pity.

But the Scripture has confined all under sin, that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe. Galatians 3 

Maybe we will end our lives, maybe with unconfessed, unrepented sin.  In fact, I am sure that we will have sin that we haven't even recognized ourselves much less admitted to anyone else.  In fact, all sin is essentially suicidal.  Sin is always self-destructive.  We are always self-destructive.  God has already poured all of His judgment, disappointment, and rejection on His Son.  He drank the cup of God's wrath completely.  There is none left for you or me.

Dry Bones