WWJD: The Opposite

When I was a teenager there was a big craze centered around the words "What Would Jesus Do?"  The idea of course was that Jesus wouldn't drink alcohol, wouldn't have sex before marriage, watch tv shows where people cuss, wouldn't binge on hot wings and mountain dew, would tell everyone around them how to clean up their life in a very encouraging and motivating way, would probably even call these things "The Gospel" and condemn everyone who messed them up to the Centerpiece of Evangelical Faith.  Even worse, I was told repeatedly that the reason the world was going further and further from Christ was somehow because I wasn't living enough like Christ.  Somehow I had been given the master flusher and it wasn't just my life that was circling the toilet bowl.  Tied up in all of this is an idea about the importance of how other people see you.  You can't just do the right things(which for me always stalled more in the region of "you can't even do the right things") you have to be seen doing them.  The world is judging Christ based on how a few dumb teenagers in a town that isn't even a dot on most maps eat, drink, and entertain themselves.  I assume that the world is disguised as a herd of cows because there sure as hell wasn't anybody else around to watch me.  But anyway, what you were perceived to be doing was vitally important.  The way one teacher put it to me is that it is all about the way your life is characterized, kind of a what are they gonna put on your tombstone kind of thing.  I finally know what I want written on my tombstone, perhaps I am reaching too high, overestimating my own level of piety, but I know what I want my life to be like by the time I am done with it, and I am already halfway there.

Here lies Jonboy

Drunkard and Glutton

Friend to Tax Collectors and Sinners

The big problem with What Would Jesus Do, is that our answers never matched What Did Jesus Do, or at best they only matched a heavily edited edition of His life.  Basically I grew up thinking that Jesus spent His life being nice to everybody, living a life that matches the human ideal of holiness, and basically just being such a sweet heart of a guy that nobody would ever want to beat the crap out of Him and certainly no one would ever nail Him to anything because of the way He lived and the way He ran His mouth.  It has taken me years to understand that He didn't just not live the way that I thought He did, He lived The Opposite.  Watch this video.(Ignore the weird captions)

Christ charted the course of His life for precisely the purpose of showing us that everything we thought, especially about God, was so far off as to be ludicrous.

“To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others:
“‘We played the pipe for you,
    and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge,
    and you did not mourn.’
For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ But wisdom is justified by all her children.” Matthew 11

I think that John Baptist was a genius, one of the truly great contributors to human civilization and tremendously undervalued, possibly second only to his Master.  Christianity is filled with various imitations of his asceticism, we all abstain according to our personal fetishes.  And we certainly have plenty of people trying to live like they imagine Christ lived,  and almost all of these religious fanatics begin with abstinence from everything that makes life worth living and avoiding the "wrong company".(which is like a turd trying to keep itself clean and pure, it might be in our best interests for the religious turd to be isolated but that is to keep the rest of humanity away from his((my)) crap, not to keep the turd from being contaminated with filth)   Jesus was not accused of being a drunkard because of His love for nonalcoholic drinks.  Being a religious turd, like the ones who accused Him, I know how they operate, and let me just say that religious turds do not accuse you of things with no basis.  If they called Him a drunk, and they did, then He must have thrown back a few brews.  Maybe He needed His beer goggles on to think I am worth saving, I don't know.  He was obviously drunk when He picked us, cause lets face it He ain't going home with no prize.  He wasn't accused of hanging out with the lowest elements of society because He invited them to Bible studies a lot.  He was and is our friend, and those who hate us have never ceased to hate Him for it.(or those who hate Him have never ceased to hate us for it, not sure which way that works)

“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn

“‘a man against his father,

    a daughter against her mother,

a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—

    a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ Matthew 10

How did that sweet little baby grow up to be such a freakshow?  I mean the person who would turn families against themselves would seem, in my estimation, to be more of an Antichrist than a Christ.  Deliberately starting a war is generally frowned upon, even by those who are not wearing their WWJD bracelets.

 Those of us who imagine that Christ came to give us a more practical version of the Law that is easier to fulfill can't possibly have ever read what He actually said.

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5

He did just the opposite.  He took the Law and really tightened the screws down.  His plan to save the world didn't involve excusing our faults, it began with thoroughly condemning us for them.  And anytime we think that we have gotten beyond that it turns out that we haven't even gotten that far.  We think we have made great progress in holiness but we haven't even met the prerequisite yet.  No one will enter Heaven who hasn't been fully and finally damned by the Law.  Our fear of being left out makes us try and get to the end before we have even begun.  We are trying to be perfect Christians and don't realize that we probably aren't Christians at all.

I have known a lot of people who were spiritually rich, who must have lots of crowns and piles of treasure in Heaven.  They lived a life of being holy, doing good, and pointing others to Christ.  Poor dumb bastards.  "Blessed are the spiritually poor, Heaven is for them.  Blessed are those who have no righteousness, no good works, no testimony, for my righteousness, my good works, my testimony is theirs."  What is truly sad about Christianity is that we are so determined to make a good show, to run a good race and fight a good fight, that we miss the whole thing.  We have to smile and sing during our suffering and so we miss out on the whole point.  "Blessed are those who are sad, who are miserable, who are depressed for they will know Me and my name is Comfort."  We use our difficult circumstances to prove that we are superChristians instead of actually mourning and being comforted.  We trade the true peace of Christ for a stupid show.

"Be careful not to have a testimony. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. When you help somebody don't preach them a sermon and don't tell your Sunday School about it. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  Don't bless your food in the middle of a restaurant and please please don't leave a tract for a tip.  And when you do pray, which should be like 007-nobody should know about it-don't give me a bunch of religious crap, don't beat me over the head with how much you care about missionaries and sick old people, and how thankful you are cause I know you aren't." paraphrased from Matthew 6

My Lord didn't come for the spiritual winners.  I got some sad news for you, it is the spiritually rich who will really have a hard time getting into Heaven.  He doesn't want people who get it all right, or even any of it right.  He wants just the opposite.